1. Boston – Markelle Fultz, G Washington
Comp: Righty Poor Man’s James Harden w/ defensive effort
Rationale: 1) Can play w/ IT4, Bradley or Smart in the backcourt 2) Can guard 1s or 2s 3) Great hair 4) He’s the most well-rounded guard prospect in recent memory.
Downside: Are we completely sure he can play w/ IT4?
2. Lakers – Lonzo Ball, G UCLA
Comp: Poor Man’s Jason Kidd vs Rich Man’s Kendall Marshall
Rationale: 1) He has the rare, couple times in a generation court vision and playmaking that can’t be taught. He really could be JKidd 2.0. 2) His father is singlehandedly keeping ESPN in business. 3) He’s really quite good at other basketball things.
Downside: Definite teen popstar fall from grace + character assassination potential, funky shooting form, questionable-to-terrible fit next to DeAngelo Russell, who has become dramatically undervalued.
3. The Process – De’Aaron Fox, G Kentucky
Comp: Mike Conley meets John Wall meets Patrick Beverley
Rationale: 1) The Sixers need a point guard 2) The Sixers need a point guard 3) The Sixers need a point guard 4) The Sixers need a guy who is a winner / glue guy / defense first player. 5) The Sixers need a guy who is a winner / glue guy / defense first player. 6) The Sixers need a guy who is a winner / glue guy / defense first player.
Downside: Sometimes jumpshots don’t develop.
4. Phoenix – Josh Jackson, F Kansas
Comp: Paul George
Rationale: 1) Best player available 2) Can guard the dudes Devin Booker can’t 3) Positional need. 4) The best defender in the draft… going to a team that is an absolute dumpster fire on defense.
Downside: 1) He’ll never be as important as the other Joshua Jackson of Cruel Intentions / Dawson’s Creek fame. 2) Are we sure he can do anything great on the offensive end?
5. Sacramento – Jayson Tatum, F Duke
Comp: Jabari Parker vs Rudy Gay
Rationale: 1) How better to mismanage a team perpetually than to add a 2nd Rudy Gay to a team with Rudy Gay? Why not nonsensically play them together? That’s how the Kings roll. 2) He’s actually really good at basketball.
Downside: Fit, a “non-modern” style of play, may or may not have NBA 3 range, meh athlete, Duke stank.
6. Orlando – Dennis Smith. G NC ST
Comp: Post-injury Derrick Rose
Rationale: 1) not replace a bust PG who can’t shoot…. with another one? And maybe even add a torn ACL to the equation? Sounds exactly like something Orlando would do… even if he’s not a #hybrid. 2) If he went to UK and not NC State, is he De’Aaron Fox?
Downside: Well… he’s an “explosive” PG coming off a busted knee… so there’s that.
7. Minnesota – Jonathan Isaac, F FSU
Rationale: The Baby Wolves have 2 weaknesses – upgrading the Deng spot next to KAT… and adding wing defense given the limitations of the Shabazz/Lavine squad. Isaac can do both.
Downside: Sometimes you gotta pass, bro.
Comp: Greek Freak w/o any of the court vision
8. New York – Malik Monk, G Kentucky
Comp: Rich Man’s Lou Williams
Rationale: 1) Massive Star Potential 2) NY best be building a 5-out style team w/ Kristaps as the centerpiece if they know what’s good for them…. which is the definition of an “if”… 3) Awesome alliterative name.
Downside: Is he really a 6th man / 3rd guard? Is he a 1 or 2? Can he defend 2s? Can he… defend? Can he be NBA efficient or is he a chucker?
9. Dallas – Lauri Markannen, F Arizona
Comp: Poor man’s Dirk Nowitzki
Rationale: Dirk gets a near carbon copy understudy to pass the torch to. Nerlens gets a perfect frontcourt pairing. Shark Tank ratings in Finland skyrocket.
Downside: Well… can he rebound? defend?
10. Sacramento – Frank Ntilakina, G France
Comp: The Rondo / Schroeder / Exum lanky PGs who can’t shoot universe
Rationale: Because eventually Sacramento will realize that they need a PG… and they were willing to give Rajon Rondo a try 2 years ago… and they seem to make the same types of decisions over and over again…
Downside: Pronouncing his name.
11. Charlotte – Zach Collins, C Gonzaga
Comp: Meyers Leonard / Every White Guy Big on Charlotte
Rationale: Because he has become super trendy after being visible during March Madness and then measuring well… and because when was the last time Charlotte reached on a white-guy big with future All-Stars still on the board?
Downside: If they actually do this, North Carolina may turn on Michael Jordan.
12. Detroit – Harry Giles, F Duke
Comp: Amare Stoudamire
Rationale: Because he may actually be the best player in the draft… and he’s a great fit next to Drummond
Downside: He doesnt have knees. We’ve never seen him play well in college. Otherwise, he’s a sure thing.
13. Denver – OG Anunoby, F Indiana
Comp: Al Faruqh Aminu
Rationale: Because Denver could use some wing defense to go along with their promising core of young guards, many of whom are defensive sieves… and because in Denver he could get the nickname OG Kush and people would dig it.
Downside: Are you really that stoked about drafting Al Faruqh Aminu? #lowceiling
14. Miami – Jarrett Allen, C Texas
Comp: Poor Man’s Andre Drummond vs Every High Energy Backup Center Ever
Rationale: Hassan Whiteside insurance, asset stashing, a need for a backup center.
Downside: Probably won’t rock a mullet… unlike his almost same-namer…